because sometimes i forget… [revised and adapted for portfolio purposes]

oh and p.s… the comments [the little number to the right of the '28jul08 | 0' ] now works thanks to a mr. john farthing… so please thank him and then leave a comment.

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I’ll never forget the day I decided to become an architect. Naive and twelve, my father brought home extra architecture magazines, inviting me into an instantaneous love as my fingers thumbed through the glossy pages of buildings. As I perused the images and studied the floor plans, I found a house I was confident I would one day build. Pulling out my graph paper, I drew and redrew the design to my own liking. As I slid walls, extended rooms, and added windows, it was complete, or at least as complete as I knew architecture to be. With paper strewn all around me and pencil smudges on my fingers, in my twelve year old mind, I was an architect.

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I’ll never forget the moment I realized I wanted to be a responsible designer. Sustainability became more than just a political buzz word; but rather a movement and purpose to which I want to devote my career. As part of the profession of architecture, I am responsible for the energy use and construction of the built environment. Beyond bottom lines and suburbia developments, I yearn to be a part of the industry’s call to change, to learn from the intuitive practices of the east, and to add value, not diminish, natural resources around the globe. I want to leave a footprint that doesn’t hinder the generations to come, but brings life to their future. I know my thinking seems ideal, even comical to some, but it is a risk I am willing to take.

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I’ll never forget the day I became an international citizen… As I walked out of the airport onto the streets of India, I knew my life would never be the same. The bubble of my world was popped and suddenly I was immersed in a culture beyond the borders of my own. I was at the beginning of something catalytic; I knew there was more than I understood. Everything I’d thought the world to be was thrown out the window that day. I searched to find silence amonst commotion, beauty in the fingerprints of poverty, and light in the midst of darkness. I quickly realized I no longer wanted the staring part in my own play… i want to devote myself to a small role in the big story of our humanity.

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I remember those days and smile; each moment a significant milestone in my journey. I now see the world through different eyes… as an architect, as one responsible for the built environment, as a global citizen. I had no clue where this path would take me or the people to whom it would lead. If you would have told me how difficult the journey would be or how many times I would have wanted to turn around, I may never have continued. But I look back now, thankful I didn’t know and thankful I continue to walk this narrow road. There are many steps ahead of me, more mile markers to guide my way. I confidently look ahead with the anticipation of opportunities to grow and learn, evolve and mature in my understanding of my purposes within, outside, and beyond the walls

next door to me is a baptist church.
at the church, is a mail slot.
on the mail slot, is the graffiti’d word ’scandal’.
under the ’scandal’, are purple flowers.
i’d like to think the flowers
are someone’s apology
to someone else for whatever
caused the hurt,
built the wall,
cultivated the anger
towards the church,
towards the faith,
towards the purpose.
imperfect people do a poor job
of representing an all perfect God…
of caring well…
of living well…
of loving well.
i didn’t put the flower there,
but i took a photo of it…
as my way of saying,
i’m sorry too.

every year we age.
every year we grow.
every year we laugh.
every year we talk.
every year we cry.
every year we smile.
every year we gather.

see our photo set here.

It’s been over six months since I began my project365 [a photograph a day for a year].
My thoughts so far on the project are as follows:

+ having a camera with me at all times actually feels natural
+ my favorite photos are never planned or staged
+ the best image usually comes on the fourth try
+ people like to be the day’s photo
+ I take a lot of pictures of buildings
+ eight of my friends have now started 365 projects
+ most photos are taken during the second half of the day
+ I’ve photographed most everything in my room
+ I love the macro mode on the camera more and more
+ something lovely really can be found in the everyday ordinary
+ each day contains at least one beautiful moment
+ I like collecting moments

I have done some website updating on www.jillm.com to give some visual refreshment and create a better interface for this project [p.s. if you know anything about php and why my comments won't work, please help me out!] If you  click the string with the ‘pull’ tag above, you’ll find new website chapters:

a space of process: occasional blog entries and summary of photos for each week
a pursuit of beauty: all images I take and upload to flickr
a collection of days: website specifically for project365 [more information below]
a place of learning: someday I’m putting together a site which will share all of the things I’m learning in about sustainability and green living… but now it won’t take you anywhere.
a search of home: the about me section of the site which tells you a little about who I am and what I’m doing. 

By clicking ‘a collection of days‘ you will be taken to the project365 website. At the top right of the page, you’ll find several other title options:
project365: thumbnails of all the 365 images
photo details: read the stories of the images and see the image specs
tag: words used to label photos
about: why I’m doing this project.

If you have been a faithful reader, I thank you for your patience with me as I try to make the project easier for you to follow… If you haven’t been joining me in these first six months, enjoy the ride for the next six months! The second half of anything is always better!

I hope you’re inspired to find beauty in your everyday ordinary.
much love.

mitsubishi iMiEV: i’m totally savings my pennies

ivy grace pinkstaff
july 3rd 12:22am
bangalore, india
6.4 pounds 19 inches

in what was perhaps the most intense moment of your parent’s lives,
you made your arrival.
after a two hour taxi ride to the hostpital, you were born 45 minutes later.
the nurses pleaded with your mom not to push, but you refused to listen.
the doctor arrived just in time to catch you.
it was chaotic, scary and incredibly intense…
india wouldn’t have had it any other way.

your indian birth is a testament to the faith, love and obedience of your beautiful family.
may you live knowing you have been given a unique story to share with the world.

i wish i was there to welcome you myself.
but until then, know that you are already loved by someone you’ve never met.

i write from the last few moments of silence left in this refreshing week. i’ve been staying at a friend’s house tucked up in mt sutra in the middle of san francisco… a five minute drive returns me to the chaos and activity that is the city; but up here i find myself in an entirely different world. i hear birds out the open window, the sun has room to rise in my view. i’ve read two books and have gotten somewhat caught up on email. every evening i’ve gone hiking with my only my own thoughts for company.  i fall asleep without the roll of cars by my window and instead hear the thunder roll through the clouds… all luxuries to me after 10months of living in the city.
 

I hear voices in my head… from so many people wanting so many things… more than I have to offer… more than I have to give. They remind me of my inadequacies and faults… of my insufficiencies and my weaknesses. The voices tell me I’m not good enough or lack the confidence or don’t have the talent or I just don’t belong. The voices seem to be everyone else’s voice but my own. Where did I go? When did I stop speaking what I knew to be true? Somehow, I lost my own voice when started listening to them. Or rather, I turned my own voice off when I started projecting theirs.

and so today, i declare my independence day. finally, there is freedom from what has been binding, escape from what has held me in. it’s not an overnight transformation but more a realization that what is now cannot continue… i want to thrive and not survive. no doubt changes will take place in the weeks/months ahead due to the realizations i’ve made this week.

just as important as knowing where i’m going is where i’m not. so here’s to the time andprocess it take to tell the difference.