I’ve been here 11 weeks and 1 day. Really, it’s not that long, even in dog time. But the reality of it is in those 11 weeks, everything has changed. I left Kansas 11 weeks ago, with no expectations. I had no clue who I would work with, where I would live, or what I would be doing. I came alone, regardless of what anyone else told me. The only thing which carried over from the life I knew 11 weeks ago is me and my room full of stuff… everything and everyone else is new. To say the past 11 weeks and has been hard would be an understatement. Leaving for college, starting my first job, moving to India seems like a piece of cake compared to the bigness, strangeness, loneliness of my step into this city.

Why did I come here and what have I done?
I sometimes ask myself but myself doesn’t answer back.

Nothing here is a given, all my previous understanding of the world seems to be thrown out the door in this place where the east meets the west. Truths I had thought were unshakable are questioned, things I had understood are now confusing, and familiar ways of life now seem unappealing. I can never guess what background or understandings, lifestyles or hardness people bring to the table. My guard is always up and I rarely feel free to be me.

And rather than run ahead to catch up with the masses or appreciating the moments, I’ve been just existing. I produce enough to get by, I deliver what I promise, I do what I can. But that’s about it. I have a list on this blasted blackberry in which is titled, ‘Things to do to feel settled’. I keep adding to it and I keep deleting tasks off…but the feeling hasn’t changed, I’m not settled.

And then myself asks myself again, What if it’s less about the act of being here and more about the life you live here. What if it’s less about the doing and more about the being?
Hmmm. Maybe myself is smarter than I give her credit.

Perhaps, as I let the mail pile and the task lists go unfinished; I’ll find my place here. Maybe when I quit worrying about bus schedules and finding a kitchen table, I’ll find myself at home. How about I quit moving from A to B and enjoy the journey it takes to get there. I know, I know, there are things to do. But the urgent shouldn’t always trump the important.

And thus a new day is born. 11 weeks and 1 day, written at 12:27 am on 18 November, I submit to this struggle. Rather than fight this transition, I choose to embrace it. I will no longer beg for its completion but invite its companionship. However long it takes and wherever it takes me, I commit to this place and these people.

To make this decision tangible, for the next year, I’ll take a photo a day to for the next 365. I hope that my eyes will become more alert to see the world around me and trained to see the beauty this life inherently posses as I begin this year long journey. I will explore, I will search, I will reflect, I will live each day of the 365 a little differently than I had the last. By the time the 18th day rolls around next November, I hope to have an entirely new perspective and a photographic story of my journey.

Read along if you like, comment if you will, and join along if you’re able.
No doubt, we’re in for an adventure!

[all photos will be posted here; not all will be blogged. seriously, who has that kind of time?]

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 18th, 2007 at 10:38 pm and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.