this is the third year in a row i’ve ’started over’…argh… ’start over’… that phrase automatically conjures up preconceptions and presumptions in my mind. these linked notions include words like… ‘new beginning’ as if the previous end was undesirable, perhaps a ‘clean slate’ as if to say the wrongs are behind me and a clear canvas ahead, or even more appropriately, ‘back to the drawing board,’ implying the first idea was not quite right so let’s try it again. [fyi... architects rarely use drawing boards anyway despite what we may tell you.]

hmmm… yeah. i don’t like any of these ‘new beginning’ phrases and i don’t really like new beginnings.

three new places in three years. in fact, over the past seven years, i haven’t lived in one place longer than 10 months and the number of roommates i’ve had is 21. you’d think i was running, you’d think i was restless, you’d think i was confused, you’d think i couldn’t get along with anyone. but what if i told you none of the above is true?
what if i told you not all who wander are lost?

maybe, just maybe, i enjoy this nomadic season of life… experiencing diverse places and living with interesting people, the fabric of my world becomes more intricate and rich with each thread woven into it. with each place and person, my perspective changes and evolves; few important things in life seem black and white anymore… poverty now has names and faces, ‘need’ is a relative term, and ‘doing good’ usually isn’t an easy decision. strangely, other complicated mysteries have been made more clear…beauty no longer has a price tag, the search for Truth is universal, and real love comes without conditions. i never intended on finding these lessons, but they found me in the midst of transition and then they changed me for the rest of the journey.

so somewhere in between ’starting over’ in wichita, ‘moving on’ to india, and ‘beginning again’ in san francisco, i’ve realized i’m a wanderer. though i hate the helplessness i often feel, i love the faith it grows. despite my need for control in uncontrollable situations, i learn to trust in ways i never thought possible. even though i know the first couple weeks are the most painful and difficult, i’ve wandered enough to also know it always gets better. and despite my often directional confusion and slight detours which others might describe as ‘lost,’ i’m really not. promise.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 19th, 2007 at 4:09 pm and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.